I sat thinking about my life today and realized a deep level of gratitude for my life experiences. All of the amazing cities I have worked in (links are on the right side of my blog), all of the great people I've been able to meet, my beautiful wife and children, our relative financial success, my education, etc. are many things that the average person in this world does not get to experience (looking from a world view, not an American view). When my wife came out with me to San Francisco we had some amazing, expensive dinners and I realized that gratitude was not one of my feelings at the time - I was very happy to be there, I deeply enjoyed the food and conversation, but I don't remember feeling gratitude specifically.
In general a lack of gratitude simply reveals an attitude of wanting - "always searching and never able to come to a knowledge of the truth" if you will. And what is the truth? That we have everything we need right now. That nothing external or time bound can add to or take away from our deep sense of fulfilment unless we let it. That peace cannot be experienced at any other point than the one we are experiencing right now.
It's blissful, light, refreshing. These thoughts pass through the sky of my mind like little white clouds - "oh, that's an interesting one" - but ultimately the peace is held within my being, not within my mind. Feeling that releases something, not a part of my being, but a part of who my mind is telling me that I am. As these pieces float away what am I left with? Not a summation of accomplishments, failures, others' opinions, etc. I am left formless, fearless. Joy. Peace. No words can really explain it because when I try, it's gone.
