As I climb up the proverbial ladder I get the sense that the view is more obscured from the top. A sense of hollowness and longing overshadow any sense of accomplishment and success. Creeping into the foreground are the fears and shortcomings that I thought I could hide, and from which I have run for so long. The never ending marathon!
Eventually I will need to stop, look around and decide on a logical course of action, but something compels me to climb, to run, to never look back. I am being pulled uphill and feel the inevitability of a crash back down to reality and an eventual confrontation with my true self, a self I neither acknowledge nor accept. Like a brief brush with deja vu, I feel I have been here before - doubting, confused. Why have these thoughts survived for so long and through so much travail? Why can't I let them go?
Ah, peace rushes over me. "Let it go" I hear in my mind. I feel relief as I forget myself and allow myself just to be me. I am perfect! Hmmmm, it feels like a cool, soothing breeze rushing past me and encircling me with love. It feels like I am home. A place I have never known but never forgotten. A place in which I can rest without fear, without hope, without any attachment. Just love, just compassion, just the way I was meant to be. I smile and realize that this is what life is about and accept that tomorrow I will have forgotten as I continue my climb...
